Relationship with God

Happened to hear a message now and one statement by the preacher struck me hard that “The only way to heaven is not through religion but our relationship with God.” Yes, I have heard this a million times before but somehow it never got to me as it did make me ponder this time. So, I believe this means that whatever things we regret about on a religious basis and on a worldly basis doesn’t matter at all as long as our God is able to forgive us or understand us according to our relationship with him just like our own worldly father would forgive us and still continue to love us. If our worldly parents could love us unconditionally, imagine how much more can our heavenly father love us. If this wasn’t true, by now he would have hated and forgotten us by now and we would never be able to live this peacefully. When I am down with regret and pain I always feel that God hates me and he can never forgive me ever and that makes me so miserable that I feel suffocated and wish I wasn’t alive. I cannot live without God and without the feeling that he loves me and is with me. It’s more necessary for me than oxygen, that feeling of His presence with me. I sin and hurt others. I make my God sad all the time but still deep in my heart I know that He is with me and that He loves me. Even when I take a wrong step, be it out of my situation that I am in at that time, I still believe that He understands me and that He will forgive me.

But the question is, am I doing justice to that relationship that I have with my God. Now I am ashamed to say “NO” is the answer. I am not doing what I should or what I have to. I am not obedient to you. I am not able to make any sacrifices for you. I am not doing anything to make many of my friends or loved ones to help them understand this God or help them experience this relationship with God. I am not doing anything to share this God and His unconditional love with those around me. But today I wish to let you know my Father, that I am ready to do what you want me to and I pray for your leading. I am not at all a perfect follower of yours Lord, not at all, but still I want and wish to do something for you. Just show me and I will follow. For all that You are to me, help me to do something in return. And above all help myself to understand that You will love and forgive me always and that You will make all things beautiful for me in Your time. Help me to wait upon your time. Let me not take things into my own hands cause I can never do anything on my own. 

Abba Father, I love you. Thank you for everything.